The night of the 3rd I knew I wouldn't be able to feed her for a little while so I began to pump, and pump, and pump (and if you know me I am still a pumping machine!). Every drop mattered and counted. We would bring my collection over to the NICU each time we visited and hoped she would be able to get some of it soon- even if just for mouth care or on her pacifier.
Maelee had a feeding tube from birth, mainly used for medication in the beginning and then progressed to small feedings. Babies do not develop their suck reflex fully until 36-37 weeks gestation....so Maelee missed this important learning curve inside me. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I just knew she would breastfeed......I just knew it.
On the 12th I was given the ok to start trying.....every time she got a feeding through the tube I would try and latch her on. Big failure! She just screamed and shut down. Why work for food when it comes through the tube- no work involved at all! I was determined that no matter how long this took we would figure it out. The doctors and nurses kept telling me that the light would turn on and to just wait for it.
Waiting got harder and harder. She was not 36 weeks until the week of the 18th so I was just praying she would get it sooner.
By the 16th I was exhausted and emotionally stressed by trying. I felt like a failure.....I couldn't keep my baby inside me, I couldn't take care of her and meet her needs, and most of all I couldn't even feed her. What a crappy feeling. So on the 16th after many tears shed to the doctor and nurse who were so supportive of whatever my choice was; I gave into giving her a bottle.....something I immediately regretted but later would see God's plan in this.
She drank from the bottle.....not well and not for long. Her latch was awful and we had to keep moving the nipple around almost to teach her how to eat. Something I never imagined we would have to do- babies are suppose to just be born doing this. But not our baby she was a preemie.
As the weeks continued she continued to eat from the bottle and we still attempted breastfeeding with no success. Her "light" did turn on around the 23rd or 24th....she would finally take her whole feeding from the bottle, not at every feeding but most of them.
Maelee was able to have her feeding tube removed on the 26th. This day is another one we won't forget!!! The first time we really got to see her tube free!!!! TUBE FREE!!!!! Our little girl was getting so strong and we were so thankful!!!
On the 26th we also began ad lib feeding. This means that Maelee was allowed to eat when she wanted to and eat what she wanted to. She remained on her 3 hour eating schedule and did wonderful. We knew that as long as she continued to eat and gain weight we were on our way home......
We got the go ahead on the 27th to plan for her discharge on the 28th- I WAS SOOOOO EXCITED!! I began to clean my house from top to bottom, run a million errands, buy things we needed, and pack her room up (almost a month in the NICU you start to move in!).
The night of the 27th we went to bed hopeful and excited....but the 28th of September was the second hardest day of our lives right behind her birth. This day changed me, challenged me, and grew my faith even more. The 28th was not the end of the NICU for us but the beginning of a whole new NICU experience.
I would see over the next few weeks that my decision to offer my breast milk from a bottle was something I chose for a reason....a reason God knew long before us.
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