Amazed

There were many things in that first week of Maelee's life I will never forget. I wrote down all the dates that things happened so I wouldn't forget but I find myself remembering each moment every time I look into her face. I see her now and realize how far she has come, all that she has overcome and conquered.

September 4th, 2011 was such a blur. I was very sedated from the pain medication and the shock of everything that had just occurred in the past 24 hours. I remember seeing Maelee the first time and touching her. I remember all the pain I was in and the long hall I had to walk/ride down just to see her.
When you have a baby you envision they will be in your room, you will be exhausted, and how thankful you will be for the nursery to have her for one hour- I just wanted to see her without having to walk down a hallway, wash my hands for 2 minutes, and then stand in pain. I wanted to see her when I woke and when I was sleepy, I wanted to hold her and kiss her good night but this was not our plan. Our plan was to nurture her and pray for her growth and strength.

On the 4th we were awoken to Maelee's doctor explaining she was still having difficulty breathing...she had been on a bubble c-pap since birth and this was not doing the job. Due to her prematurity her lungs had not developed fully and she needed a little assistance so soon she would be placed on a ventilator. She received her first dose of surfactant (the medication to help develop her lungs) in the morning of the 4th but by September 5th she needed another dose. Watching her breath through a tube was something I never imagined and it broke my heart into a million pieces. When she cried no sound would come out but you could see it on her face. Still being unable to hold her I again felt helpless in such a difficult time.
Changing her diaper!!! Something many parents take for granted......it was something I wanted to do so bad! I got to change her diaper for the first time on September 5th! She was so tiny and even the preemie diapers had to be folded, but for a moment I felt like her Mom.

On the 6th of September her lungs were starting to work better and they got to remove the breathing tube and put her back on the bubble c-pap.

In the evening the respiratory therapist would come by the room to replace some tubing that was not doing it's job. This moment will stick with me forever and I thank God that Lee was there to get it on camera! Until this day I never understood the bond between a mother and child, but this day it was shown to me in the largest way.

I have never been more amazed than in this moment....my voice and touch could calm our sweet peanut!

The next few days we watched and waited to see how her lungs would develop and if they would work enough to support her body. She remained on the bubble c-pap until September 8th and was then placed on oxygen until the 11th. 

We stood by and watched in amazement that something so tiny and helpless could put up a fight for her life. Each day was long and hard but looking back it was something I wouldn't change. I got to really appreciate the little things about being a Mom, the little things in life that make it truly worth it.